I Will Be The Shadow Puppet President

With the campaign of wKen going underground, there has been a power vaccuum for opposition to the current Administration’s 2004 re-election (or first-time election, depending on your pov).

Over at Michele’s place, they’ve formed a new party, the Slutpublicans, with the apparent goals of getting someone to sleep with the vice-president and ridding the world of Carrot Top. Meanwhile, a splinter group, the Slutertarians, have taken hold of Venomous Kate’s site. Apparently, they just want to oppose the “elitist” Slutpublicans.

I know that I tread upon dangerous ground when mentioning politics. It doesn’t matter what I say, I’m either too liberal, selling out to conservatives, or being wishy-washy. Thus, I fall back on my tried-and-true position statement: BITE ME!

And, yet, I yearn to be part of something bigger than myself (no, not Tanya Harding’s ass). I want to make a difference in the halls of government. One that doesn’t involve scrubbing graffiti off the walls. I want to be a great President like my idols: Millard Fillmore (who booked acts like the Grateful Dead with that preacher fella, Bill Graham) and Grover Cleveland Alexander (who later pitched for St. Louis when he was a washed up drunk).

So, what do I do? Continue to rail against an unjust God that wKen and Suzie were taken away? NO! The past is gone. It went by like dusk to dawn. Isn’t that the way everybody’s got the dues in life to pay? Dream on!

Do I take up with one of the Slut parties, like some cheap blogwhore? Offer my services to the highest bidder? Sure, I might wind up with some cushy job like Secretary of the Department of Future Red Sox Championships in Michele’s cabinet, but I haven’t even heard Kate’s counter-offer. Then they start fighting over me… I SAID then they start FIGHTING OVER ME… Is this thing on? Hello?

Anyway, I think it’s better if I just form my own party. Hmmm…. let’s see. What sounds funny at 2am? Slutocrats? Slutialists? The People’s Republic of Seabrook? Ah, we’ll think of something.

I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “Solly, old chum, pass me the remote and shut the hell up. American Idol is on.” But I’m not listening. I’m keeping the remote. I’m changing the channel. We’re going to watch something different, America. It’s time for some tough love. We’re going to sit in front of the boob tube until we’re boobed out! That’s right. Our first act will be a mandatory Anna Nicole Smith marathon for every American. After that, NOTHING will seem so bad. America will be happy again. Or else.

Who’s with me?

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11 Responses to I Will Be The Shadow Puppet President

  1. -e- says:

    Hey, I’m just grateful to have a choice this time around… wherever you decide to you, you got my vote!

    Unless I decide to start my own party…

  2. -e- says:

    “decide to GO” I mean…
    Gawd I’m retarded in the wee hours of the night.

    *off to think of the name of my party, and some quick endorsements from Van Halen *

  3. Not that I’m encouraging you, but… over at Michele’s you can find a logo for the Slutocrats. And they don’t have a party leader that I know of yet.

  4. michele says:

    What Kate said. It’s too early in the morning for me to find the link, but it’s in the April archives somewhere.

    However, my offer for you to join us still stands.

  5. Les says:

    Hmmm. Solonor for President. Vote for someone who’ll be honest and upfront about his goal of “gettin’ some” in the Oval Orifice.

    I like honesty in my politicians.

  6. Ric The Schmuck says:

    How about The Monkeycrat party?
    Whichever it is, I’m in. ‘m a born follower, ya see. But I draw the line at Anna Nicole Smith. And since I already watch enough other crap programming, I think you can give me a bye.
    Bye! 🙂

  7. gnome-girl says:

    count me in babeee 🙂

  8. Don says:

    Taking a look into the future, I see a possible strategy for W et al in 2004. They could claim that there was, in fact a flaw in the electoral process in 2000, so that election didn’t really count as Term One. That way he could run for the real first term in 2004 and and be eligible for a second in 2008.

    It sounds as plausible as most stuff that has been proclaimed by the crew so far.

  9. I’m up for joining the Monkeycrats. We could win the election if we do things right. Everybody loves monkeys, why not one for president?

  10. baby, I’d give up my position of V.P. of the Slutertarians if you’d join us….

  11. Solonor says:

    Ah, but I see where you’ve been stripped (heh) of your V.P. title already. And so far I’ve had at least a pitiful offer from Michele. From Kate? Nada.

    I’m liking the sound of the Monkeycrats better and better. If only there were more than four or five supporters around here…

Comments are closed.