Stupid Bloody Shirts For Stupid Bloody People

No one–and I mean NO ONE–does a rant like Mordant. I’ve come to the realization that I need to be a bit picky about what I quote from her, or else I’ll wind up just copying her every post.

Target du jour: Straight Pride… in which our young author goes to town on the web site of a moronic clothing line (I will not honor it with a link here) that attempts to counterbalance the awful threat to civilization posed by *gasp* Gay Pride.

What you people need is a minority group that really can kick your collective buttocks. What you people need is mutants. I want there to be mutants. I’m not talking sappy little Jean Grey type mutants, all schnooglies and light– I want kickass Magneto-type mutants!

To add in my two cents (if there’s any room left in the piggy bank after she’s done), there is something quite pathetic about someone who feels the need to counter minority bigotry and hatred with a plea for pity.

Oh, poor me! The blacks are getting all uppity. Boo hoo! Women want the same rights as me. Wah! Gays don’t want to be killed for being different. What do I do? I’m being discriminated against, too, you know!

I’m not saying that the pendulum doesn’t sometimes swing back too far and thwack somebody upside their rich, white, male head. But compared to what these people go through every frickin’ day, I’ll “suffer” through an over-the-top gay pride parade.

And like it.

Posted in Carnival of the Vanities, Rants 'n' Whines | 3 Comments

Crouching Tiger Ruined Jackie Chan

I don’t really know why I’m doing a review of The Medallion. If you’re like me, you’re going to go see Jackie Chan just because it’s Jackie Chan. He’s got the same endearing qualities as Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. And if the movie sucks, there’s always the chance of at least one scene that will make you go, “How the hell did he do that?” This is especially true now that Mr. Chan is approaching the age of 50. At worst, there’ll be some funny outtakes.

That said, the review is simple. If you don’t like Jackie Chan, you won’t like this movie. If you do, you’ve already stopped reading.

Go read my review of The Tuxedo. It’s the same for this movie, though a bit less so. I go to see Jackie do the impossible. But when you start throwing a mystical element into the mix, it detracts from the “wow”. This movie has a bit more room for wow, as the special effects don’t really come into play until later. There is an especially cool chase scene that will make you sit up in your seat. However, the filmmakers assume that we’ll only like it if it has the effects of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or The Matrix.

Stop it! Not every movie has to have slow-motion, mid-air fight scenes!

So, it’s better than The Tuxedo, worse than Shanghai Knights. Good, old-fashioned, summertime, throwaway fare (as opposed to the big-budget, sequel crap we’ve been getting from Hollywood lately). Go see it with someone fun, and you’ll have a good time.

[Grooving to: Straighten Up And Fly Right by Natalie Cole]
Posted in Blogcritics, The Big Screen | 7 Comments

How can you tell he’s a king?

Well, he looks like one! (Yes, I know that’s not the right line.)

Aragorn, son of Arathorn, King of Gondor

Click for larger image

And, what’s this then? Could it be that we’ll be able to see the extended versions of Fellowship of the Ring and the Two Towers in theaters? Then, a marathon showing of all three? Have I died and gone to geek heaven?

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy to be shown in theaters this December

Leading up to the December 17 release of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, the final film in Peter Jackson’s epic dramatic trilogy, New Line Cinema will release a limited number of 35mm prints of the Special Extended Editions of The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers in theaters across North America. The special screening series will culminate in an unprecedented marathon of back-to-back presentations of the Extended Editions followed by a special screening of The Return of the King. The announcement was made today by Rolf Mittweg, the studio’s president and chief operating officer, worldwide distribution and marketing.

From December 5 – 11, the studio will release 100-150 35mm prints of the Special Extended Edition of The Fellowship of the Ring in cities across the country. On December 12 – 15, these prints will be replaced with Special Extended Edition prints of The Two Towers. On Monday, December 8, and Monday, December 15, both films will be presented back-to-back. Then, on Tuesday, December 16, participating theaters will show a one-time-only marathon of both Extended Edition prints followed by an 11pm screening of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. The official opening of the film will commence at 12:01 AM on Wednesday, December 17, 2003.

Advance ticketing for the screening series is expected to commence this fall.

Oh, and here’s one especially for Andrea and Brandy and um…well, just about every female (and some male) readers I have…

Frodo in Return of the King

Click for larger image

[ via The Gamer’s Nook ]

Posted in Blogcritics, The Big Screen | 9 Comments

Bobby Bonds: 1946-2003

Well, hell. It’s just not a good week for baseball fans. There are only 4 guys in the 300 HR-300 SB Club: Willie Mays, Andre Dawson, Barry and Bobby Bonds. After a long bout with cancer, Bobby Bonds, one of the first guys to combine power and speed, died today.

Bobby Bonds was a great ballplayer. He’s one of those really good guys that sparks many “why isn’t he in the Hall-of-Fame?” arguments.

Posted in Baseball | Comments Off on Bobby Bonds: 1946-2003

Don’t be dissin’ the moose and bunny!

We’ve been groovin’ to VH1’s I Love the 70’s tonight. It’s really cool how they make a decade I purport to hate into something kinda cool. Of course, a good chunk of the show is dedicated to making fun of everything from Charlie’s Angels and Starsky and Hutch to Donnie and Marie and Stretch Armstrong. But like those stupid lists they do (that I loathe), they had to put something in that made me grumble. In the show on 1976, for some inexplicable reason, they included Captain Kangaroo… and then proceeded to have their series of lahooooosers (sorry, Rob Zombie) trash him. What was wrong with Captain Kangaroo?? Mr. Moose, Bunny Rabbit, Mr. Green Jeans, Dancing Bear, Grandfather Clock? Hmph! Oh well, back to making fun of BJ and the Bear…

[Grooving to: My Love by Wings]
Posted in Rants 'n' Whines | 11 Comments

They usually show movies on a flight like that!

I was 5 years old when I really started paying attention to the Red Sox. That was in 1967, and my hero was Yaz. Just the year before, some guy named Ken Coleman replaced the legendary Curt Gowdy as the play-by-play announcer for the Sox. From 1966 to 1971, Coleman and his partner, Ned Martin (who died last year), were the radio and TV voices for my baseball team. Then, he left and went to work in Cincinnati. He was broadcasting to Grump and his Reds during the ’75 Series. In 1979, he returned, and until he retired in 1989, worked with Jon Miller, then Joe Castiglione on Sox radio.

Ken Coleman died yesterday. He was 78.

Gowdy, Coleman, Martin, Miller, Castiglione… Johnny Pesky, Dick Stockton, Ken Harrelson, Bob Montgomery, Sean McDonough, Bob Starr. There’s a list of all the Red Sox broadcasters since 1927 at redsoxdiehard.com.

Until 1994, when I left Maine, these were the voices in my head. They were there in the car, in the garage, in the kitchen, in the bedroom and in the living room. They went with us on our summer ice cream runs and on long drives to my grandparents’ house. They were there when I went camping and when I snuck out of bed to watch a late game with my dad.

Whenever the Sox were the Game of the Week on national TV, Dad would turn down the sound on the TV and listen to the radio. The guys who covered a different game each week didn’t cut it. He wanted to listen to our guys. They knew us, suffered with us. They were on our side.

Good bye, Mr. Coleman. Thanks for being there.

The title of this post is taken from his most common home run call.

Posted in Baseball, Blogcritics, Carnival of the Vanities | 7 Comments

WARNING: Cooties Alert!

The following statement was released by the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta this morning:

Whatever you do, do not click on any link that will take you to the web site known as JadedJu. For the love of all that is holy, run the other way. You have been warned. Don’t come crying to us when you’re all cootiefied.

So, even though I am making it my Aortal site of the week, it’s only because I need the reminder at the top of the page not to go there.

Mwahahaha. I will have her all to myself soon. It’s a cunning plan…

Update: Fox News has just sued her and wKen for using Fox’s “Hot Lesbian Chat” trademark.

Posted in Aortal | 2 Comments

Let’s Look It Up!

Our daughter is apparently wondering about our usual habit of rambling discussions about the strangest subjects in the car. In the time it takes us to drive from the grocery store home (about 10 minutes) we will usually have discussed everything from quantum physics to cartoons, devolving into how it relates to beer and using our extra-thick Maine accents. We once used 45 minutes of the time God gave us in trying to figure out what a sign that said, “Fuck, Shave” meant. (Do one, then the other? Or was it addressing some guy named Shave?)

Tonight’s ramble has been very faithfully preserved by Pepperkat’s Playground.

Here’s the definition of plasma, in case you’re interested. Or bored.

Posted in Car Talk | 3 Comments

Research Can Be Fun

I’ve been hip-deep in Tolkien (ewww) from messing around with this stuff. Anyway, if any of you haven’t seen The Encyclopedia of Arda when researching Tolkien place names and such, then I suggest you take a peek. I think it’s the most complete Tolkien reference on the web. On top of that, it’s frickin’ gorgeous. There’s thousands of illustrated, hyperlinked entries, including some interactive maps.

Wicked cool.

Posted in Wouldya Lookit That! | 2 Comments

Get On Yer Bikes An’ Ride!

Once again, it’s time for Statia to put on a funny helmet and sweat. (Make up the rest yourself. I’m tired.)

Go chip in a penny or three, as she pedals her butt off in the Multiple Sclerosis Society’s ms150 bike tour.

[Grooving to: Won’t Get Fooled Again by The Who]
Posted in Yo! Listen Up! | 2 Comments