Damn Gene Kelly

Posted on May 4, 2005 by Solonor

I’m finding out that songwriting inspiration comes from the strangest places. Take this one I’m posting tonight, for example…

Back a couple of weeks ago, Jules posted a desperate kinda thing that was basically: “If you and I were stuck in prison for 20 years, what kind of stories would you tell me? Would you sing me a lullaby?”

As usual, I was going to make a wiseass comment like: “I can’t sing you a story, like sailors do. I can’t tell you a sweet lullaby.”

Well, somehow, that stuck itself into the middle of this dark little song about a guy who may or may not have done something terrible to the girlfriend who just dumped him in a hotel room watching “On the Town.” (Don’t ask. I have no idea where this crap comes from.)

So, right-click and save. If you don’t like it, you can blame Jules!

Like Sailors Do.mp3

Posted in Tunes | 7 Comments

All your Vin Diesel are belong to us.

Posted on May 4, 2005 by Solonor

Looks like I don’t need Natalie anymore. My minimum daily requirement for sheer nonsense will now be met by… Random Vin Diesel Facts

The contents of Vin Diesel’s bellybutton include six Pogs, a 1987 Buick Skylark, and a Baldwin. Which Baldwin is it? We may never know.

He is saving all of his money so he can hire Christopher Lloyd to build him a time machine because he’d like to prevent the formation of The Monkees.

Vin Diesel created the internet out of some 2×4’s and a pack of smokes he stole from Jesus.

Can’t. Stop. Hitting. Refresh.

Update: Wah. We broke it. Now, we’re gonna have to make up our own Vin Diesel facts. Ready? Go!

Posted in Strangeness | 10 Comments

Smooth move, Ex-Lax

Posted on May 3, 2005 by Solonor

Got up this morning to make coffee and spilled some of the grounds on my wife’s new mandolin. Thinking that I’d better not leave it like that, I took it over to the sink to brush it off…

Those of you who know what a mandolin is are already wincing, aren’t you? You know that I almost sliced my finger off.

Yeah, I don’t mean this kind of mandolin. I mean this kind of mandolin.

Owie.

Proving once more that I should never do anything (including making coffee) without first having coffee. (It’s hard to type without your middle finger, too.)

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 12 Comments

Do the Hustle

Posted on May 1, 2005 by Solonor

Went to see Kung Fu Hustle last night. I haven’t laughed so hard in a theater in a long time. If Tex Avery and Jackie Chan had a baby, this would be it. Like Shaun of the Dead, this isn’t so much a parody of its genre as it is a funny movie that uses the conventions of its genre to full effect. It definitely makes me want to look for other Stephen Chow movies, like Shaolin Soccer and From Beijing With Love. (It also makes me ashamed to find myself lumped in with the rest of the West in limiting my martial arts fare to Jackie Chan movies).

[ also at Blogcritics ]

Posted in Blogcritics, The Big Screen | 4 Comments

We had joy, we had fun…

Posted on April 30, 2005 by Solonor

Thank God, no “Seasons in the Sun.”

I am both relieved and oddly disappointed by the bulk of the tapes, as nothing too embarrassing is revealed. Sadly, no radio tapes turned up. It’s mostly stuff I recorded from my LP’s. (Yes, Michele, there’s Frampton in there for you.) I just wanna know how the hell The Knack got in there (much less being on the same tape with AC/DC)! And why do I recall hating REO Speedwagon so much? They ain’t so bad.

Gah. I am old.

(Check out the odd mix on Tape 20…)

Continue reading →

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 9 Comments

Old School Emo

Posted on April 30, 2005 by Solonor

Oh. My. God.

I hit the motherlode of teen angst (or “emo” as the kiddies call it these days). The next tape was recorded on the next to last day of school (1978?) by a kid who was moving away. He did one of these for each of his friends. On it, he lovingly (and semi-depressed) presents himself singing along with and explaining the deep inner meaning of some of his favorite songs… “Bohemian Rhapsody”…reading the lyrics and comparing the ones about dying to his imminent departure…ANGST!!… “You’re My Best Friend”… “I Can’t Stand the Rain” (Eruption??)… “Baby What A Big Surprise”… “Johhny B. Goode,” “California Girls,” and “Put Your Head On My Shoulder” by Leif Garrett!! AIEE!! This is followed (for some unfathomable reason) by a slowed-down, then speeded-up, then slowed-down playing of “My Little Town” by Paul Simon. WTF??

Then comes the kicker… he plays me a surreptitiously-gotten recording of a pair of girls yakking… one of them was someone I’d crushed on since elementary school… he wanted me to hear the specific reference to me and my pimply pursuit of her (and their OMG! *giggle* ick! reaction). Of course, this was all to help me understand what a dweeb I was being and that she wanted to be… wait for it… “just friends.”

Gee, thanks, buddy.

More heart-tugging tracks… “I Was Only Joking” (Rod Stewart)… then describing photos and reminiscing about stuff that I wasn’t even involved in… then, a terse “See ya tomorrow. Goodbye.”

I’m not sure that I want to hear what’s on the next tape… yikes.

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 4 Comments

Live blogging from the Big Dig

Posted on April 30, 2005 by Solonor

You’re about to get a rare peek inside the mind of a teenage dweeb from the 70’s, as I delve into the sarcophagus. It’s going to be scary. I would suggest that those of you with weak constitutions (I’m looking at you, Serbia!) go out and enjoy your Saturday. The rest of you, please, keep the tittering and finger-pointing to a minimum.

Here we go! (Please, God, no K.C. and the Sunshine Band.)

Tape One: Written in scratchy pen strokes are words that make my heart sink–Neil Diamond. It also has a pair of small notes that say, “Recorded in J.F.-B.W. Studios, 1979” and “Re-mixed courtesy of Steve Moor”… and “Styx cont.” is alongside the Neil Diamond label. Very odd. Why would I have a tape from Ric the Schmuck’s private collection? Oh well, at least I can blame him for this one. I pop it in the daughter’s boombox and prepare for the worst.

Continue reading →

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 2 Comments

Star Waaaaaars… nothing but Star Waaars…

Posted on April 29, 2005 by Solonor

Gah! Now I can’t get this stupid thing out of my head!

Bill Murray Star Wars Theme.mp3

(right-click and save… I’ll probably take it down before it gets Google’d to death)

Posted in Strangeness | 4 Comments

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Posted on April 29, 2005 by Solonor

It is true. The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded. For I find that all the warning buzzers have mysteriously been silenced. I am in total acceptance of the fact that–no matter what–Revenge of the Sith will be the Best. Movie. Ever.

So, prepare yourselves. Star Wars fanboy crap is about to come gushing forth from the confines of this here blog.

First up, take a second to peruse the Star Warsie goodness at starwars.com. I know. I know. You’ve seen the trailer. You distrust the trailers. You’ve been burned before. Well, just pretend you haven’t seen the last two movies. Pretend that this is the one that answers all of the questions and leads you into the real Star Wars. Once you give in to the Dark Side, you will understand. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

The mad praise of some hack who got a special early peek at the movie because he happens to be a bigshot director might not be a valid reason to get excited. Unless that hack is Kevin Smith. If you have the time (and can stand pure geekery in its raw form), read the transcript of an interview with Smith and Shaun of the Dead’s Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright.

Don’t worry about the spoilers, either. I’ve read a bazillion things about this movie, and one thing that strikes me is how you cannot spoil it. You can read about the final showdown between Obi Wan and Anakin Skywalker, but until you see it…

Speaking of Vader… one of the things that got me off on this kick today was reading the bloggy ramblings of the Darth one himself in The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster.

Yes, I’ve been hooked. Again. Once more, they want me to invest more of my soul into a universe that sprang from a cheesey story in a 30-year-old movie. And I will do it willingly and lovingly.

Don’t underestimate the Force.

[ also on Blogcritics ]

Posted in The Big Screen | 5 Comments

Tape Archaeology

Posted on April 28, 2005 by Solonor

Here’s something for you to look forward to this weekend… remember that little hippy-flowered box of cassettes I mentioned yesterday? Well, though I gave them a cursory listen 4 years ago when I brought it back from Maine, I really didn’t delve into what’s on them. Since they are mostly tapes from a geeky teenager in the 70’s, I’m sure they contain all manner of embarrassment for your author should he decide to spend time listing their contents and publishing them on his blog.

(If I find Seasons in the Sun or Afternoon Delight, I’m killing myself, just so you know.)

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 7 Comments