We now resume our regular programming…

You know, you really should write something different today… dork.
Like what? And stop calling me names!
Maybe something other than baseball or politics? Idiot.
I don’t know if I remember how! And quit it with the insults, jerk.
Well, if you’d just let me take over for a while…
Yeah. Right. Don’t you remember what happened last time? It took months to get that lawsuit dropped.
Fine. It’s your blog. I’m just trying to help. Moron.
I suppose I could fall back on the old standard, eh?
Oh, God, no…

(The voices in my head are so grumpy first thing in the morning. I wish they’d just get along.)

Great. There goes “parentheses boy” again. I hate him.
Yeah, me too. He’s so judgmental.
(I heard that.)

On with the monkey goodness:

Damn! Someone call my lawyer! They’ve stolen my script for “Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Blood-Sucking Monkeys.”

By the way, when monkeys fly out your butt, how fast do they fly?

Obey your robotic monkey masters!

A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey’s human family, “Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves.”

“Well, how much does a brain cost?” asked the family.

“For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000,” replied the vet.

All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked, “Why the difference in price between male and female brains?”

“Standard pricing practice,” said the vet. “The female brains have to be marked down because they

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12 Responses to We now resume our regular programming…

  1. Scott says:

    Heh! Good ones!

    You can never go wrong with monkeys!

  2. zee says:

    holy crap… and i thought i had issues!

  3. er, Lester (and voices)–how much time did you spend combing the internet for monkey jokes, this morning?

    just curious.

  4. jcwinnie says:

    “Hey, hey. We’re the Monkeys
    And, people say we monkey around
    But we’re too busy singing
    To put anybody down”

  5. Mike says:

    Ok, you hear em too? I don’t feel so bad now…

  6. Solonor says:

    What is time?
    (Shut up, you!)

  7. hey, i ain’t judgin’.
    wanna banana?

  8. jcwinnie says:

    “Perhaps the most elegant solution is to join a country that exists only in one

  9. Ric The Schmuck says:

    Glad to see you re-inforcing the credo….

    “It’s all about the monkees!”

    Whiny must be very proud.

  10. Not Hans Delbruck

    “We now resume our regular programming.”

  11. Sunidesus says:

    Let me know if my voices show up to visit your’s ok? They seem to have gone out on their own and haven’t checked in recently.

  12. Not Hans Delbruck

    A Solonor Simiam Soliloquy referred to a Wired News article, “Advent of the Robotic Monkeys” that informs about a monkey, in Andrew Schwartz’s neurobiology lab at the University of Pittsburgh, feeding itself using a prosthetic arm controlled solely by …

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