A Christmas Plea

Posted on November 21, 2003 by Solonor

I was yakking with Speaker on IM this morning (yes, I am on vacation, oh jealous ones) when he presented me with a Brilliant Idea: Why don’t we urge companies to add 1/12th of their annual bill to the other 11 months and not send us one in December?

It’s the most fricking brilliant idea I’ve ever heard! Sure my monthly power bill would go up by $15 or so, but what of it? It’s like when I let the government overwithhold taxes so I can get a huge refund instead of investing the extra someplace that will earn interest. A bad idea from a money management standpoint, sure, but am I really going to do anything other than spend it? No.

So, spread the word, people. We need to turn this into a movement for next year. Otherwise, what the hell are bloggers good for? Hmm?

Posted in Yo! Listen Up! | 3 Comments

Merry Christmas, My Atheist Friend

Posted on November 21, 2003 by Solonor

Re: protesters who feel they need to tear down every symbol of Christmas in a public place. I hate to make a post that just says: “Ayuh. What she said.” But she put it so perfectly, so whaddya do…

I’m as opposed as the next liberal to judges putting up the Ten Commandments in defiance of court orders, prayer in public schools, and idiotic pronouncements that Christianity ought to be the state religion, but gimme a break. Don’t get your panties in a wad because you can’t see the forest for the Christmas trees.

Posted in Rants 'n' Whines | 2 Comments

Movie Etiquette

Posted on November 21, 2003 by Solonor

What NOT to do during “Return of the King”

  1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, “Wait… where the hell is Harry Potter?”
  2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” – After the movie, say “Lucas could have done it better.”
  3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: “The Ring.”
  4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
  5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
  6. Finish off every one of Elrond’s lines with “Mr. Anderson.”
  7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, “And I did it…. MY way…!”
  8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone’s finger and fall down the stairs.
  9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact “The Battle of Helms Deep” Monty Python style.
  10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout “Barbecue!”
  11. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout “RUN FOREST, RUN!”
  12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: “That’s what I’m Tolkien about!” See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
  13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, “Where’s Waldo?”
  14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
  15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
  16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
  17. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, “I see dead people!”
  18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
  19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.
  20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.
  21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, “Man! Charlotte’s really let herself go!”
[ via zee Stupid Evil Bastardo ]
Posted in The Big Screen | 9 Comments

Threat Level: Blue and White?

Posted on November 20, 2003 by Solonor

NEW YORK, NEW YORK – New York Giants football practice was delayed nearly two hours today (11/19) after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Jim Fassel immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

Really. Insert your own team… *cough*Tampa*cough*

[ via a post on the ESPN Message Boards ]
Posted in Strangeness | 5 Comments

No Longer Breathedless

Posted on November 20, 2003 by Solonor

Ya know, I haven’t bought more than 1 or 2 Sunday papers in the last 10 years. But this coming Sunday I will.

Oh yes.

Posted in Yo! Listen Up! | 4 Comments

Put a wiggle in it

Posted on November 20, 2003 by Solonor

Our company has a digital photo contest each month. There’s the typical categories–animals, nature, people, humor. Grump pushed very hard to have them add a “Special Effects” category. This is mostly so he’ll have a chance to try out this little trick with animated gifs that he found at the web site of Jim Gasperini.

What he does is take two photos slightly off-angle from each other (about the distance between your left and right eye) and combines them into an animation that rapidly switches between them. This creates a flickering 3D effect that is odd, but it works.

Posted in Wouldya Lookit That! | 4 Comments

WriMo Break

Posted on November 19, 2003 by Solonor

I didn’t get a package from WETA like Rosie in Waiting For Frodo, but I did get my pre-ordered-from-Costco-and-thus-way-cheaper-than-Amazon copy of the Two Towers Extended Edition… So, needless to say, I didn’t write much last night.

I’m succumbing to the notion that I can’t live without reading other blogs, much less posting in my own. On top of which, my naive sweet brandelion has gone away for a bit and left me with a set of keys to her blog. So, I think this whole hiatus-while-I-write thing is about to get tossed out the window.

Still not giving up on finishing, though. I may be way behind, but I’m the type of kid that always waited until the night before a 4-paragraph paper was due and stayed up until 4am to turn it into a 40-page monster. “Quantity Over Quality” was my motto. Or, as my mother-in-law might say: “If you can’t dazzle ’em with brilliance, baffle ’em with bullshit.”

I’m so glad my kids don’t take after me. *cough*

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 6 Comments

But I Get Up Again

Posted on November 11, 2003 by Solonor

“This thing that we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.” – Mary Pickford

Thanks to my darling daughter for that quote.

I want to apologize to everyone that’s endured my whining about not being able to finish NaNoWriMo. This includes my Sainted Spouse™, my Brilliant Children®, brandelion, picklejuice, speaker, busy mom and a whole bunch of lizards. And thank you to everyone who pretended to miss this blog while I’m off being stupid. (The check is in the mail.)

Someone opened the door in my head and the refrigerator light is now on. It’s not supposed to be Great Art that I am writing. It’s supposed to be fun. In spite of my dark funk of late, I am once more determined to finish this damned thing, even if I have to stay up 24 hours a day during my vacation at Thanksgiving and wind up the last chapter with the main character drooling in a bucket and saying “gsflajxwifajajyz” over-and-over.

Here’s an excerpt of the silliness I’m making, just so’s you have somethin’ to blackmail me with when I’m rich and famous.

Continue reading →

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 14 Comments

Yo! Monkey Boy!

Posted on November 10, 2003 by Solonor

We interrupt this blog vacation to say . . .

Continue reading →

Posted in Yo! Listen Up! | 15 Comments

October Referrer Madness

Posted on November 2, 2003 by Solonor

OK, one more last thing…

I almost forgot to do the monthly thank you to the The Top 20 Sites From Which Nice People Came To Look At The Monkey In The Window™. And since Les was all hyped up about being Number One, I felt I at least needed to let him know how badly he failed… (*giggle*).

In honor of NaNoWriMo and in anticipation of both the arrival of the Two Towers DVD set and Return of the King, I’ve decided to follow the lead of this wonderful site: What if the Lord of the Rings had been written by someone else? (Thanks for the link, Grump.)

So, here I present: What if the Lord of the Rings had been written by Solonor’s top 20 referring sites? Most of them suck, but hey, do your own damned list next time! ;p

  1. Reflective Reality – Boromir interrupted: “IMHO the only reason Microsoft… excuse me, ‘Mordor’… wants the Ring back is that it represents the one time they made a product that worked. I say we reverse engineer it, giving one to each member of the Internet community… er, Middle Earth…”
  2. A Small Victory – Addressing the Council, Gimli said: “While the Liberals are content with their ‘No War of the Ring’ marches and ‘all Sauron wants is to be loved’ attitude, we in the Fellowship are ready to kick some Mordor ass!”
  3. Brian Kane Online – “I have of late visited the fair cities of Gondor,” said Gandalf. “And in the tasting of their wine and of the eating of their victuals, I shall give a full account.”
  4. The Gamer’s Nook – How long did Bush Gandalf know about this threat from Mordor before he said anything? How many times have the wizards lied to us?
  5. Stupid Evil Bastard – “Pray to your gods,” the dark leader of the Southrons said. “Ha! Fooled you,” said Aragorn. “I don’t believe in God!”
  6. Random Ravings – As the Balrog plunged into the bottomless pit, Gandalf wearily turned to rejoin his comrades. Suddenly, the Game Master rolled a 20! A critical hit!
  7. Pickle Juice – “Dear Frodo,” Bilbo wrote. “Wish I could go, too. You betcha. Jealous-as-hell-ingly, Bilbo.”
  8. Ain’t Too Proud to Blog – “Sure, we’re down,” Gandalf said. “But we just have to come out in the second half and show some of that OU Middle Earth spirit!”
  9. .em – .tibboh a devil ereht dnuorg eht ni eloh a nI
  10. The Mighty Geek – Bilbo sat at his kitchen table, pondering his toast. Bread laughed heartily.
  11. Busy Mom – I don’t have time to write anything. So, here’s an animated gif, instead.
  12. Friday Fishwrap – Frodo didn’t have time to destroy any damned ring. He was busy checking out Legolas’ ass and playing all his downloaded MP3’s…
  13. The Altered Blog – The Yankees… um, Mordor LOSES! Mordor LOSES!
  14. Linkmeister – It is a little-known fact that Sauron’s first attempt at conquest was in a surfing contest off the Big Island. He lost to Greg Brady.
  15. swirlspice – Ed. note: I started to write something, but then I saw this: “The first person to bring up Lord of the Rings gets their ass kicked.” Better leave it be…
  16. Flablog – When those morons in Tallahasee Rivendell get done milking the Fellowship budget for all it’s worth, there won’t be any money left to go after Sauron!
  17. Dandelion Wine – “All we have to do is destroy the ring,” Frodo said. Well, um, like duh!
  18. Time For Your Meds

    19. – “Fuck Sauron! Fuck him and Saruman and all the fucking loser assholes of Mordor,” Legolas said.

  19. Duly Noded – I remember the first time Sauron tried to take over Middle Earth…
  20. Hey!… – So, here I am after toppling Saruman, defeating Sauron, running the bad guys out of the Shire and changing my blog layout, and I still don’t have any good tunes to listen to. Crap.
Posted in Referrer Madness | 20 Comments