Is there any better idea in the universe than having the Muppets Statler and Waldorf do movie reviews? Only if it’s Pepe the Prawn presenting the latest DVD releases (“Miss Congenitalia 2, ok?”). Sure, it’s a little tame compared to the wicked sarcasm of the old Muppet Show, but I’ll take it over our local movie critic any day!
I hope all of my American readers are having a splendid 4th of July holiday weekend. And I hope you damned furriners don’t have to work too hard today, either. That especially goes for you French people. Without you, we’d all still be speaking English.
Yesterday, we celebrated our independence from Britain by watching a Monty Python marathon on BBC America and sewing costumes that would transform us into Harry Potter characters. And we drank tea. Take that, you English bastidges!
Well, what do you expect? My birthday is so close to America’s that, after the 3-day orgy of celebration and debauchery devoted to me, there’s just nothing left for the 4th. Sorry about that Uncle Sam.
So, while we won’t be oot and aboot with the drunken revelers, I urge you to be careful when you’re engaging in your celebratory “blowing stuff up” rituals.
And remember to hug a Frenchman.
Just finished watching an awesome set by Deep Purple in Toronto. AOL is replaying the video feeds from now until who knows when. So, I’ll get to see all the stuff that stupid MTV and VH1 didn’t show.
Bloggers weren’t the only one that noticed how awful the MTV coverage of Live 8 was…
CNN International: More Live 8 on Web than TV
Kansas City Star: Internet coverage of Live 8 concerts blows away TV
I am such an IDIOT!
I almost missed Pink Floyd, because the show on TV sucked so bad that I forgot to turn it back on. But what the hell kind of computer geek am I that I’m relying on TV for this anyway?? DUH!
I’m watching streaming video of Pink Floyd doing “Comfortably Numb” right now on AOL at http://music.aol.com/live_8_concert/live_now!! They are awesome!
And I can switch between cities at a click of the mouse and watch who I want with no commercials or talking over th songs.
I never EVER thought I’d say, “Thank God for AOL.”
Not that I expected any different, but the Live 8 broadcast sucks much ass. Too many talking heads. Too many commercials. Music cut off before it’s finished (or acts skipped entirely). When they skip showing Annie Lennox for an interview with Jimmy Fallon, you know it’s time to change the channel.
All right, I admit it. I’m a sucker for these big extravaganzas. (Actually, I just like saying the word “extravaganza”.) When Live Aid happened (20 years ago?? *gasp*), I missed most of it, because I was attending a wedding (a big, long, Catholic Mass type wedding, no less). So, this time, I think I’ll at least take a peek at a few of the acts in Live 8.
My brother in Philadelphia actually suggested that the kids come up to witness it live. He thought it would be cool. Yah. Riiiight. If by “cool” you mean, “Mr. and Mrs. Norton, we seem to have misplaced your teenagers. But don’t worry. We’re sure they’re somewhere in this mass of 100 million people…”
Some of the acts I might want to catch if they’re televised:
Berlin, Germany – Brian Wilson, Crosby, Stills & Nash, Green Day, Roxy Music
Johannesburg, South Africa – NO ONE
London, UK – Paul McCartney, Pink Floyd, U2, REM, The Who, Sting
Moscow, Russia – The Red Elvises (how could I resist?)
Paris, France – The Cure, James Brown
Philadelphia, USA – Dave Matthews, Sarah MacLachlan, Stevie Wonder
Rome, Italy – NO ONE (ok… maybe Duran Duran for nostalgia’s sake)
Edinburgh, Scotland – Annie Lennox, Garbage
Tokyo, Japan – NO ONE
Toronto, Canada – Barenaked Ladies, Bruce Cockburn, The Bachman Cummings Band, Deep Purple, Gordon Lightfoot, Neil Young … (yep, the Canadian version is the best)
I’ll probably forget it’s on and watch old Benny Hill re-runs instead.
Well, as I don’t have to remind you *cough* it is, of course, my birfday. As such, I have given meself a present. I have made myself a record label and a radio streaming recording artist at Last.FM. Wanna see?
This is my artist page: http://www.last.fm/music/Lester+Norton
This is my record label page: http://www.last.fm/label/Lester%20Norton/
This is my Last.FM profile page: http://www.last.fm/user/Solonor/
You can listen to streaming audio of ME (or, if you’re so inclined, some other artists) via Winamp or iTunes plugins. And Last.FM hooks up with Audioscrobbler, which takes lists of everything you listen to and compiles it into a profile. Then, they match your tastes to other freaks, so we all fit into neat little boxes. Nifty, huh?
Now, I expect you all to sign up at Last.FM and Audioscrobbler and make me your friend. After all, it is my birfday.
The previous post will go on from here until eternity, if I let it. So, instead, here’s a new post on the same, thrilling topic! (bite me)
Some of these things can simply be classified by their source. For example, if you just cut-and-paste the entire script for Monty Python and the Holy Grail in here, you pretty much have 75% of the words and phrases that flow from our lips. There’s no need to list things like “What? The curtains?” or “I fart in your general direction” here.
The same goes for other Python bits. You can’t talk to the kids about something “back in my day” without launching into the whole “I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing ‘Hallelujah’.” Either that or the SNL Dana Carvey skit (“And we liked it!”).
Likewise, if you took the entire Warner Brothers catalog of Looney Tunes and transcribed them into this blog entry, you’d have a goodly chunk of our everyday dialogue. (“He’s not in da stove!” and “Spear and magic helmet?” and “Zoinks! And away!” being a few of the more prevalent phrases heard ’round these parts.)
Other movies that register high on the quote spew-o-meter are Ghostbusters (“So? She’s a dog.”), The Princess Bride, (“Have fun stormin’ da castle.”), Office Space (“Well, I wouldn’t exactly say I’ve been *missing* it, Bob.”) and Young Frankenstein (“Put zee candle beck.”).
Also, be aware of the following:
You can’t say “Damn it!” around here without adding “Janet.” Rocky Horror
If someone says, “I’ve been thinking,” you are obliged to respond with “a dangerous pastime” to which they will counter, “I know.” Beauty and the Beast
If a drink goes down the wrong pipe and you start coughing, you must croak the word “smooooooth” as though you’ve just taken a swallow of Guzzler’s Gin. Red Skelton
Never say “voila!” It’s “viola.” (Preferrably, “VI-oh-ler” with a strong Southern accent.) no idea
When you want a particular type of tea, never say “darjeeling” without a heavy British housewife accent. And always reply with “Yes, Earl Grey would be lovely.” Holy Grail videogame
If the phone rings, don’t forget to say “cow” (and add a few “yip, yip, yip’s”). Sesame Street
You can’t say the word “carrots” without trying to sound like Kermit the Frog wearing false teeth. Sesame Street
Don’t come close to saying the word “max” without bugging your eyes out, Nora Desmond style. Carol Burnett
I’m sure we’re not done…
OK, well, when you actually try to think of these things, they don’t come to you. So, I’ll just start the list here and update this post when they do.
Some most of these things won’t make sense to anyone outside a small group of folk. I’ll try to explain their source, but I’m afraid they’re going to lose their magic powers, and we’re all going to get sucked into a black hole (by half-steps). Oh well.
There are the obvious ones, of course:
A: Surely, you jest?
B: No. And don’t call me Shirley.
A: Eeek! A spider (or other icky creature).
B: What’s it going to do? Nibble your bum?
A: Ugh. I just got over a bad cold.
B: I’m not dead! I think I’ll go for a walk! I feel happy…
Then, there are the obscure ones:
Upon getting dirty (especially the hands), one must cry: “See these hands? They smell like gas!”
This is from a local gas station ad from Maine.
Upon winning (or losing) any kind of game, especially if it involves money, you yell (in a thick Maine accent): “FIVE dollahs!”
Another local ad, this one for the lottery.
More as the days wear on…
Is it morning? Ugh.
Woke up around 2am with a guitar across my chest and notebook paper strewn all over the bed. I passed on the family viewing of Cool Hand Luke to try and finish a song. From what I can tell, I didn’t make it. I’ll know more when I’ve had a couple cups of coffee and uncrumple some of the paper.
We had a typical summer weekend (for us). Laid around watching cooking shows all Saturday morning (well, I laid around…V worked on my HP costume). Saturday night, we went out for more bbq, then decided to go for a drive. We went in search of a Dairy Queen. We drove for almost 3 hours and didn’t find one, but I haven’t laughed so hard in months. If you ever want to see our crew in action, ask to go on a drive with us. (I’m not even going to try to relate specifics, because it would make no sense.)
That’s about it. Nothing uber spectacular. I am going to come up with a list of phrases that cause Pavlovian reactions in our family, though. (You know, like whenever someone says, “That’s a good idea,” you shout “Of course it’s a good idea!” quoting God from Holy Grail.) I think that everyone of you geeks has them (probably some of the same ones). It will be good to write them down, though. Just for the hell of it.
Yes, I need coffee…
