Lighten up, guys

Posted on February 10, 2004 by Solonor

OK, so maybe my prediction of John Edwards as the Democratic nominee isn’t panning out. At least the guy has a sense of humor (yes, I know, it’s part of the marketing campaign, but it’s not any less amusing).

Top Ten Things Never Before Said by a Presidential Candidate
10. “Vote for me or I’ll slash your tires”
9. “Forget universal health care — I’m buying every American an XBox”
8. “In a crisis I ask myself, ‘What would Tony Danza do?’?
7. “I’d give you my plan for economic recovery if I wasn’t rip stinkin’ drunk”
6. “If your last name begins with ‘M’ through ‘Z,’ sorry — your taxes are doubling”
5. “We’re gonna cut the deficit by selling North Dakota to Canada”
4. “I have tons of experience from being president of the Burt Reynolds fan club”
3. “Lady, that is one ugly baby”
2. “When I’m president, I’m putting Regis on Mt. Rushmore”
1. “Read my lips: no new wardrobe malfunctions”

I remember when Bob Dole finished his run, he got on Saturday Night Live and Letterman and was incredibly funny. I kept thinking that if he’d acted less like Oscar the Grouch and more like a real human with a smile, maybe he would have gotten more votes.

[ via The People’s Republic of Seabrook ]

Posted in Wouldya Lookit That! | Comments Off on Lighten up, guys

Behold the power of Janet’s boobs!

Posted on February 9, 2004 by Solonor

Here’s an easy summarization of the intelligence of the Grammy Awards:

Best Male Pop Vocal Nominees
George Harrison
Warren Zevon
Michael McDonald
Sting
Justin Timberlake

Who do you choose? Who. Do. You. Choose?

Yeah. What he said.

“I am so glad I don’t watch award shows for this very reason. I would’ve barfed on the spot and I don’t want to have to clean that up.” – Les

My comment can be summed up this way: CLICK HERE.

For the record, my daughter just got a raise in her allowance for saying: “Justin Timberlake?? He sounds like he’s being attacked by a mutant ninja moose.”

Posted in Rants 'n' Whines, Tunes | 12 Comments

It’s nothing, really… hardly noticeable…

Posted on February 9, 2004 by Solonor

Are people truly happy to see you? Or are they just being paid by your kindly Auntie Dot to grin and ignore “that thing” on your face?

Test your smile recognition skills at BBCi – Spot the Fake Smile.

You can fool some of the people with your fake smile, but I got you pegged 70% of the time, baby. (And that’s pre-coffee!)

[ via nefarious ]

Posted in Wouldya Lookit That! | 2 Comments

We need the funk

Posted on February 8, 2004 by Solonor

You know why I’ll never sit in the front row at the Grammys?

So, geeks with blogs don’t call me on my lack of funkitude when they have a big funk tribute, and I’m in the sea of 20-something white people (and Ellen DeGeneres) that a wheezing George Clinton stumbles down from the stage to boogie with, yo.

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything, Tunes | 2 Comments

Fnord!

Posted on February 7, 2004 by Solonor

Say you’re a member of the Illuminati, and you want to read the latest message from your contact in the Freemasons, but you left your codebook on the nightstand of that cheap hotel in Tijuana, and you can’t go back because of some stupid prison term they’re threatening you with if you ever set foot in Mexico again. What do you do?

The Internet to the rescue again, amigo!

Just copy and paste the message into the Cryptographever, and faster than you can say “the plan is ready we can go” (which is what it said when I translated my rock CD list), you’ve got your message.

I went ahead and ran Natalie’s latest post through the thing to see if it would make more sense, and got “dog is blue”. So, as I suspected, it doesn’t. Or it does. I mean, they do watch a lot of Nickelodeon over there… hmmm…

[ via ramblings of an anonymous coward ]

Posted in Wouldya Lookit That! | 3 Comments

Now blue ain’t the word…

Posted on February 7, 2004 by Solonor

I hopped in the car to drop Pepperkat off at a friend’s house and return some movie rentals before heading down to (finally) sell the Tele, like I was going to do last month. When I got rolling, I flipped on the radio and had to do three or four double-takes. Could that be Hank Locklin’s Please Help Me I’m Fallin’ coming out of those speakers?

I started listening to WPRK, the radio station of Rollins College months ago when I first heard The Cramps on the way to choir practice on night. I’ve always loved college radio, because it’s so free and unpredictable. Everything else on the Clear Channel dominated spectrum is one of 5 or 6 stock formats.

Anyway, there’s a new show on from 11-to-1 Saturdays that plays old-fashioned country music. After playing Jim Reeves’ He’ll Have to Go, the DJ said something like, “Man, you don’t hear voices like that anymore on the radio. And you know why? Because all the so-called country stations wanna play is fricking Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney, when they could be playing something like this…” and launched into Ray Price’s Crazy Arms.

Yeah, so maybe I was just overtired from staying up too late, but I actually teared up. Sad, huh?

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything, Tunes | 4 Comments

Whois you?

Posted on February 7, 2004 by Solonor

Wired News: False Domain Info May Mean Jail

Apparently, there’s a new bill in Congress designed to amend the Trademark Act of 1946 by requiring stiff penalties for willful violation of copyrights. In this case, “willful” is defined as providing false identification to your domain registrar.

Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don’t! That means that I either have to give my real full name, address and phone number to register my domain (which can be easily displayed by anyone with a simple whois) or make damned certain I don’t accidentally use a copyrighted phrase or image. The penalty for making that kind of “willful” mistake? Up to a $150,000 fine.

Posted in Rants 'n' Whines | 6 Comments

Life is just a fantasy (league)

Posted on February 6, 2004 by Solonor

So, now that fantasy football’s all done and rotisserie baseball hasn’t started, what’s a poor sports nut to do?

Well, if you’re not one of the fortunate ones with a Tolkien Baseball team, perhaps you could join the Fantasy Marching Band League.

FMBL started as a way for us band people to have a way to interact and have our own way of doing what we want with a band. There are Fantasy Leagues for every sport, and marching band is just as much of a sport as any other.

Meanwhile, Whiny is working on his own league: Rotisserie Chickens.

I suggested that one of the competitions could be DDR. Yep. Chicken Dance Dance Revolution…

(To quote my spouse: “You guys scare me.”)

I, myself, will be forming the Fantasy Fantasy League League, wherein you can pretend to be the owner of a fantasy sports league, putting points into areas such as popularity, creativity and merchandise.

(Hell, *I* scare me.)

Posted in Strangeness | 3 Comments

Crap

Posted on February 6, 2004 by Solonor

Newsday.com – Missing Girl Found Dead

There are times (like now) when I despair that there is no justice.

In the 1997 kidnapping case, a 20-year-old woman in Bradenton said a man grabbed her as she walked by and tried to pull her away, according to records released by the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

“He got on top of me and told me to shut up or he would cut me,” she told authorities. After a struggle, she said, she managed to run into the street, and passengers in an approaching van stopped and rescued her.

Smith, found hiding behind a house by a police tracking dog, was acquitted by jurors after telling them he was trying to keep the woman from running into the street and she misunderstood.

Crap.

Posted in Rants 'n' Whines | 3 Comments

It’s Sweeps Month, you know

Posted on February 6, 2004 by Solonor

I could watch this all day.

[ via Bill ]

Posted in Strangeness | 4 Comments