If you don’t wish my sweetie pie and mawage companion a Happy Birthday, you don’t get any cake.
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What’s Up With The Nortons?
I just realized that I’ve been putting up links and crap, but haven’t really been keeping those who care in the loop on the comings and goings around Chez Norton. So, here’s a quick recap of life since Memorial Day when Winy took ill.
When last we saw our intrepid family, eldest child Whiny was in the Emergency Room of a major metropolitan hospital – the slow, steady drip of the IV bringing life-giving fluids to his frail, streptococcus-ravaged frame. Meanwhile, young daugher Pepperkat was left sitting at the office of the only remote urgent care facility that was open on a holiday, as mother needed to proceed to the hospital with Whiny. A distraught Solonor was racing across town to rescue his little one from the ravages of waiting around without even a Gameboy or a book.
How have our cast of characters fared this week?
Whiny: Fully recoverd. Amazingly recovered. He looked like a new person the very next day. It’s amazing how fast penicillin works when it takes up 25% of your body weight. (He’s really, really skinny.) He recovered so fast that he was able to go to JACON on Saturday. He missed his finals and the CCNA exam, but those are in the process of being taken – in between rounds of The Matrix PS2 game. We traded in 3 PS2 games and STILL had to pay $20 for the thing, but it’s really, really cool.
Pepperkat: Undaunted by her abandonment at Centra Care, the plucky young thing is now traipsing through the wilderness of Pennsylvania. The Girl Scouts packed into a van on Friday night and headed north. They spent a couple of days in Savannah, but are now annoying the Amish. Of course, she called with a status update and said, “We went from Virginville to Intercourse and wound up in Paradise.” Argh.
Charmian: As is usual with mothers, the kids recovered nicely and are off galavanting around the countryside with their happy little pursuits. Meanwhile, she caught a terrible cold (probably from the emergency room) and has spent the week in misery. I got her about 25 gallons of won ton soup from our favorite Chinese take out place and that helped, but she’s been Senora Stuffy all week. Take extra time out of your day to wish her a happy birthday, please.
Solonor: Not much to report. Got my cell phone fixed for free. Oh…forgot to tell you that the antenna broke when it fell on the floor? (Maybe I shouldn’t twirl it around like a six-shooter or flip it into the air anymore.) I went to one of those kiosk places in the mall where they sell cell phone toys like light-up antennas, and the nice guy gave me one with a burned out LED for free. I gave him $5 just for tearing apart the phone and fixing it for me.
Th-th-that’s all folks. Roll credits.
Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything
1 Comment
Raiders Lives Again!
One of my favorite films (if not the favorite) is Raiders of the Lost Ark. I saw that movie at least five times in 1981, and it can still hook me if I happen to catch even a glimpse of it on TV. I still cannot believe that it still is not available on DVD (November is the target date for a box set with all three Indiana Jones films).
Yet, as much as I love that movie, I never quite reached the utter devotion that was required of the kids in this article at Ain’t It Cool News. Three 12-year-olds and their friends spent seven years recreating the entire movie – frame-by-frame.
Seven years. They re-made the entire freaking movie. Amazing.
Posted in The Big Screen
6 Comments
My Hero
I have found the ultimate combination of three of my greatest passions: lists, blogging, and being a sarcastic snot. The Book of Ratings is exactly what it says it is (um, other than being a book). Since the dawn of time (1997), Lore Sjoberg has given letter grades and snarky comments to just about everything imaginable. Here are some examples:
Superfriends – “Wonder Woman was kind of a grab bag of powers and equipment, as if she had picked everything up from the superhero equivalent of the Sharper Image Catalog. She had the Bullet-Reflecting Bracelets ($29.95), the Mind-Control Lasso ($38.95) and of course the Invisible Plane ($150,000 plus taxes and license fees). That last one always got to me. It’s like a regular plane, only it’s invisible. It doesn’t make HER invisible, though. So instead of this big plane, you see a nice, inconspicuous, flying, squatting woman. Huh. B-”
Visions of the Future, Circa 1953 – “It’s a good thing that laser guns are going to be around in the future, because so far the uses of lasers have been universally disappointing. Instead of blasting the heads of mucus-filled aliens, we’re correcting vision, pointing to things in office presentations, and making security systems look cool. What happens if aliens invade right now. What are we going to do, viciously and savagely cure their myopia? B”
Apes and Monkeys – “Someday I hope to be known – like the noble baboon – for my large, razor sharp fangs and colorful buttocks. “That Lore,” I want to hear people say. “He certainly has strikingly vibrant ass-cheeks, but he’ll flay you with his fangs if you cross him.” Not that I’d actually flay anyone. I’d probably just use my fangs to open beer cans and make indentations in the soil for planting pumpkin seeds. A-”
He’s also covered such diverse topics as D&D Monsters, Wart Remedies, Refrigerator Magnets, Slang Words That Mean “Good”, Canadian Snack Foods, Dante’s Inferno Punishments, French Food You Suck On, Wedding Traditions, Plagues of Egypt, Greek Gods, Marvel Superheroes, Dog Tricks, He-Man Characters, Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavors, and Kitchen Appliances That Only Do One Thing.
The Internet is a wonderful thing.
Posted in Wouldya Lookit That!
7 Comments
*Giggle*
Dyslexic devil worshippers sell their souls to Santa.
Sorry, that has nothing to do with anything. It just made me laugh this morning. Thanks, Brain.
Posted in Strangeness
5 Comments
Ask A Blogger
Finally! Someone gets it! The Observer: If you really want to know, ask a blogger.
Posted in Wouldya Lookit That!
2 Comments
Time To Switch Browsers
I admit it. I’ve been lazy. I know I should be using Firebird or Opera. But I’ve been waiting for that gentle nudge from Microsoft to push me over the edge. Something along the lines of Microsoft to drop standalone IE, maybe?
Yeah, that oughta do it.
Posted in Wouldya Lookit That!
8 Comments
I Always Wanted One Of Those
Remember all those cool ads in the back of comic books? X-Ray specs and Sea Monkeys? The Polaris Nuclear Sub was so gonna be mine! Well, you can visit all of them again at Super Marketing: Ads from the comic books.
But just when I despaired of ever finding a remote control rat, along comes Things You Never Knew Existed.
They’ve got all kinds of cool stuff – from self-hypnosis videos to a desktop guillotine (complete with victim). Learn how to use the secrets of ancient mystics (perfected by covert military agencies, of course) to travel through time. There’s an entire section devoted to fart jokes.
It’s a craptastic cavalcade of comical creations!
Oh, and if you think someone’s watching you, don’t worry. It will just be me after I finish the Invisibility Book.
Posted in Wouldya Lookit That!
2 Comments
South Park Studio is back!
Yay! One of the coolest web toys ever is back at Planearium.
Posted in Wouldya Lookit That!
4 Comments
May Referrer Madness
Last month you saw what my heroes (the people that send traffic my way) looked like in costume. This month the Top 20 Sites From Which Nice People Came To Look At The Monkey In The Window™ makes use of a neat new toy found at Gretchen’s place to set them up for a new series of TV shows on Fox.
Don’t worry. It will all make sense when the drugs kick in.
He’s a jaded zombie jungle king looking for ‘the Big One.’ She’s a chain-smoking foul-mouthed college professor with the power to bend men’s minds. They fight crime!
He’s a scarfaced vegetarian shaman possessed of the uncanny powers of an insect. She’s a cold-hearted antique-collecting single mother married to the Mob. They fight crime!
She’s a tortured streetsmart research scientist with a flame-thrower. She’s a one-legged white trash hairdresser with nothing left to lose. They fight crime!
She’s an oversexed bohemian dwarf with a winning smile and a way with the ladies. He’s a chain-smoking junkie safe cracker with his own daytime radio talk show. They fight crime!
She’s an old-fashioned albino farm girl haunted by an iconic dead American confidante. He’s a plucky archaeologist looking for love in all the wrong places. They fight crime!
She’s a shy day-dreaming jewel thief with a secret. He’s an elegant kleptomaniac bodyguard with a birthmark shaped like Liberty’s torch. They fight crime!
He’s a witless zombie cyborg from the ‘hood. She’s a plucky streetsmart museum curator who don’t take no shit from nobody. They fight crime!
She’s an ungodly guitar-strumming gangster whom everyone believes is mad. He’s a virginal paranoid merman from a secret island off the coast of Spain. They fight crime!
He’s a benighted Republican ninja astronaut gone bad. She’s a mentally unstable cigar-chomping angel with a song in her heart and a spring in her step. They fight crime!
He’s a genetically engineered umbrella-wielding werewolf on the wrong side of the law. She’s a cosmopolitan tempestuous Hell’s Angel descended from a line of powerful witches. They fight crime!
Posted in Referrer Madness
18 Comments