Solonor's Inkwell

In the interest of painting a complete picture of our domestic morning bliss, I would like to address the following comment, left by Ric the Schmuck on the previous post:

I did note the glaring absence of Mrs. R in that scenario.

I would expect that were she to speak, the kiddies would be moving much quicker. Not that I’ve ever heard Mrs.R speak in such a manner, mind you….

I bet she just waits for you to make the coffee before she gets up.

Mr. Schmuck is correct on several counts.

I kinda sorta expanded my role in the waking of the sleeping lumps I charitably referred to as “kids”. Usually, it is her dulcet tones that are heard wafting through the neighborhood in the 6:15 to 6:25 time slot. (This usually includes the phrases “if you’re tired, go to bed at night” and “it doesn’t matter what Dad does.”)

However, while she does appreciate my mad coffee-making skillz, she doesn’t wait for me to make it. She’s been up doing excercises (*shudder*) and getting ready to go to work since the first time I hit the snooze bar on my alarm.

To answer several other queries: Yes, our kids are spoiled. No, I won’t make your lunch. Yes, I exaggerate a bit. No, I don’t know where you put your school uniform. Where did you leave it last? Yes, I do sometimes go back to bed after they leave. No, I don’t make them breakfast (because it would spoil them). Yes, they are often late for school. No, I haven’t figured out a way to get them to go to bed and get a good night’s sleep. Yes, I know they’re just emulating me. No, I won’t change. Yes, I’m done.

*sniff* Soon, my kids will be all growed up and gone. I’m gonna miss days like this…

5:30am – Stupid, damn, fricking alarm goes off. Hit it.
5:39am – Stupid, damn, fricking alarm goes off. Hit it.
5:48am – Stupid, damn, fricking alarm goes off. Decide to turn it off. Hit it for good measure.
5:50am – Get up. Stagger to kitchen. Realize that the kitchen is not the room to which you meant to go. Stagger to bathroom.
5:53am – Shuffle to kitchen. Start coffee. Contemplate the wonder that is coffee and praise every conceivable god for its presence here on Earth.
5:55am – Stare at coffee maker in a stupor until cats inform you that you haven’t fed them in the last five minutes by sinking their talons into your leg. Feed cats.
6:00am – First pass at waking kids. Gently suggest that, since it is now 6:00, they might consider getting up.
6:02am – Check e-mail.
6:04am – Make lunches. Discover that some key ingredient (say, bread) is missing. Find the missing ingredient right under your nose. Forget where you put the rest of the stuff.
6:07am – Check e-mail.
6:10am – Second pass at waking kids. Strongly urge them to get their asses out of bed. (Threats of physical violence optional.)
6:13am – Finish making lunches. Determine that lunch is not the most important meal of the day and vow never to make another lunch.
6:14am – Check e-mail.
6:15am – Third pass at waking kids. Rant about their staying up late blogging, chatting on IM, playing online games and watching cartoons. (Ignoring irony optional.)
6:17am – Grab first cup of coffee. Vow to become a devoted follower of the first religion that makes coffee its god. Check e-mail.
6:20am – Fourth pass at waking kids. Tell them it’s 7:00.
6:22am – Watch kids stagger out to kitchen… then to bathroom.
6:23am – Sit down to read blogs and check e-mail.
6:25am – Realize need for parental interaction with kids. Call kids damned, long-haired, liberal, hippy freak, Communist, feminist, terrorist bastards who ought to get jobs. (Leaving computer desk optional.)
6:30am – Yell from computer desk that everyone’s gonna be late!
6:37am – Realize that everyone’s already gone.
6:38am – Get another cup of coffee and check e-mail.

Yes, it’s true. I am the only person on the planet not watching the Super Bowl.

Grrr. It’s become my morning ritual to de-spam the blog. Kinda takes the fun out of blogging. Maybe I should take up a hobby that’s more enjoyable. Like stabbing my eyes with hot pokers.

In other news, it’s the birfday of old (and I do mean OLD) whatshername. So, if you think about it today, shoot her an e-mail she won’t read or make a snidely remark in your own blog regarding her whining about turning 28. It’s the least you can do. (And we’re all about doing the least you can do.)

In other other news, both kids are sick. You know what that means…wonton soup for supper! Hurrah!

In other other other news, Cableman is about to move on to greener pastures, leaving Sgt. Grump and me to lunch alone (with the occasional guest appearance of DeBuG). This is one of those “yay for you, sucks for me” moments. Now, I make this face… 🙁

In other^4 news, after hibernating for the month of January, I’m cranking up the studio for some new tunes. Trying to avoid cover songs this time and write all my own stuff. The two I wrote for Potpourri of Noise have generated the least amount of retching, so I am encouraged.