Solonor's Inkwell

This is my last post on the 2004 election. Huzzah!

Despite some criticism from Republicans who swore there was no way they’d be happy if Kerry won, yet somehow think we’re supposed to just smile and say “good job, Mr. President, the country’s behind you all the way,” it felt good to let off a little steam. But it’s over now. It’s time to stop hurling feces and threatening to quit if we don’t get our way.

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“With a bigger majority, we can do even more exciting things,” DeLay told a local TV station in Texas.

Yes, that’s Mister “A woman can take care of the family. It takes a man to provide structure, to provide stability” Tom DeLay, the Republican House Majority Leader.

God bless us. Every one.

Technically, there are still enough electoral votes out there to give Kerry the win, but it’s all over but the whining.

If the national popular vote were reversed, and Bush were losing by 3 million votes, I’d say scrap for every hanging absentee ballot in Ohio. But you can’t whine about winning the popular vote but getting the election stolen in the Supreme Court to getting your ass kicked nationally and expect the lawyer army to save you. America has spoken. Concede graciously and run to Canada like everyone else.

(Feel free to skip the rest of this post, as it a bunch of whiny, liberal, sour-grapes spewage. Or something. Go back to this post and take a deep breath. I’ll catch up to you after I get the hell over this.)

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No matter what, you should go out and vote without fearing the consequences. Contrary to what it sounds like on TV and across the bloggernetisphere, this is not the end of the world. If the Red Sox winning the World Series couldn’t do it, then some silly election isn’t going to trigger Armageddon. Relax.

If John Kerry wins, you should be able to keep your Bibles for at least the first couple of weeks. Your taxes won’t go up for another six months or so. Your mandatory, government-funded abortions won’t be required until 2006. And while your sons will immediately run away to Vegas and get married to some guy from the Village People, your daughters won’t grow up to be cowboys. At first.

If George Bush wins, you won’t be thrown into the gulag on January 20 (the paperwork will take at least until May). You’ll have time to finish reading one more novel before it gets thrown onto the fire with the other books. All radio stations will be immediately forced to play country music, but you can get used to that. And while you won’t have a job much longer… hey! everyone needs some time off!

So, take it easy. Don’t stress. Remember that we are all just human beings trying to get along on this dirtball in space called Earth. We have different opinions, and this is a good thing. It doesn’t make your opponent evil. Just stupid. If he wins, it just means you’ll be ruled by some stupid guy you don’t like.

Why should tomorrow be any different?

Well, here we go. Tomorrow is Election Day. About damned time!

I don’t think there’s anyone out there who isn’t completely tired of the whole process. In fact, I’ll bet they do it this way so that when your candidate loses, you’ll be so fricking tired of the whole thing, you’ll just say, “Yeah, whatever. Is the football game on yet?”

Well, just so the two or three of you who did not skip this post as soon as I said “election” can go on with your lives, I’ll get this out of the way quickly: I am voting for John Kerry.

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