The 2052 season is upon us, and if you believe MESN’s composite, the Shire holds a marginal edge over Mordor. Personally, I’ve seen enough “marginal edges” to know they usually end up in the gutter by mid-July.

The Institutional Knowledge

The lead story isn’t a contender; it’s Tom Bombadil. He’s starting his fortieth consecutive season at the helm of the Old Forest Merry Fellows. The Head Bumps Chart—after a long afternoon of “palpating” the managerial cohort—found Bombadil’s tactical region “remarkably unchanged since 2012”. I’ve outlasted most of the general managers in this league, and so has he.

Around him, the league looks like a daycare. Sixteen of twenty-four dugouts are run by rookies. Then you have Mikee the German over at the Dead Marshes, entering year twenty with a manager rating of 20. The Bumps Chart confirmed the number twice and then asked not to be shown again. Lord Panda’s thirty-year tenure at Grey Havens (rating: 36) rounds out a group of skippers who apparently have photos of their owners in compromising positions.

Follow the Galleons

Minas Tirith took a $58 million haircut this offseason, the largest payroll drop in the league. Meanwhile, the Lothlorien Lumberjacks went the other way, adding $27 million to sit on a $189 million throne.

The Goblin Coin Flip landed heads this year. Translation: Wealth, not efficiency, will win out in 2052. Bad news for Bree Cheese, who spent like kings and finished four games under .500.

Milestone Watch & Oddities

The aging-stars list reads like a roll call from a decade ago. Ferdinand “Apple Pip” Puttifoot is 41 and sitting 26 homers away from 1,000. He’s still the central figure of the MESN award slate, though the Predictor Monkey famously pushed Puttifoot’s logo off the board in a fit of rage.

• The Name Game: We have five Bridgers and five Manthrottlers on rosters this year. The Dagorlad Disaster roster includes a Manthrottler, a Bridger nephew, a Brandybuck, and two Gardeners. Smoke rings drifted toward their clubhouse for forty seconds—a “sustained protest” or approval? Your guess is as good as the pipe-weed handler’s.
• The Gandalf Race: Darrick Hafer (Shire) and Ibpug the Badger (Mordor) are your favorites. They received a twelve-second pecking ovation from the Sacred Chickens—the most decisive avian endorsement on record.

The 2052 Award Slate