Solonor's Inkwell

Anti-Good

Posted on November 8, 2002 by Solonor

Even though he’s not on the official Minion Calendar™ as an Evil Overlord, I always heed a call from Mr. Olsen. His latest missive said:

I would like to SEE ALL BLOGCRITICS make some kind of favorites list THIS WEEK. They are easy, fun, and will establish where your taste is coming from. THESE LISTS CAN BE ABOUT ANYTHING: favorite CDs of the year, favorite CDs all-time, favorite CDs by genre, by artist, by label, by shoe size, whatever. Your list can be MUSIC, BOOKS, DVD/VIDEO, TV, whatever…

Ah, but the fatal mistake was in giving me the “whatever” out clause. For while I am too busy to write much for Blogcritics with my NaNoWriMo silliness, I do have tons of lists.

The first one stems from an argument everyone with any circle of friends has had since Edison’s “Mary Had A Little Lamb” was panned by critics as “too talky.” Yes, it’s the old Worst Songs Ever debate.

So, here–in no particular order–are the songs unanimously picked by the great minds at SolCritics™ as the worst of the worst, along with handy-dandy Amazon links for my favorite masochists (you know who you are–he said, as he gleefully looked up the links). Before you whine about the lack of rap and country songs, please go to my site for the rules.

Continue reading →

Posted in Blogcritics, Tunes | 16 Comments

Everybody Say ‘Awww’

Posted on November 8, 2002 by Solonor

One of the best things about zipping about the blogiverse, leaving tidbits of crummy comments at everybody’s site, is that I daily find someone neat or geeky, fun or freaky. But it’s a little more rare to find someone with a story as wonderful as Dori at no bra required. You must go over and see their new baby pics. People like this keep my faith in humanity alive.

[ via Robyn ]

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 1 Comment

Minion Mission #1

Posted on November 7, 2002 by Solonor

Sometimes I really miss my mother-in-law. She could be the sweetest, kindest soul one minute, give you anything you want (and then some)…and rip out your liver, leave it laying on the floor, go upstairs, put on her cleats, sharpen the cleats, come back downstairs and grind it into a fine pulp.

And then she’d kick the rest of your ass.

(Ejen? Kids? Am I wrong about grandma?)

Anyway, I’ve been reading about the moron Jehovah’s Witness¹ that’s been harassing the Thursday Evil Overlord, Kat on her morning bus ride to work. Not content to take “quit it” for an answer, this moron has decided it will be his personal crusade to make her life hell.

Can I ax a question? How in the world do you think you’re going to save someone’s soul or turn them onto the paths of righteousness (or into a paying customer) by berating them in public? Hello? McFly?

So, Kat, as one of her two favorite sons-in-law, I am hereby authorizing you to use the following trademarked phrases that my dear, departed Helen might have (and probably did) use when visited by Mormon and other door-to-door salespersons for God:²

“Yes, I’m going to hell. And I’m taking you with me!”

“Jesus Christ! I already go to church. Leave me the hell alone!”

“I’m not giving you one damn penny!”
(Note: must be said before they even open their mouth to ask)

My favorite (and I actually saw this) was this scene, which I hope I can make you visualize properly:

*knock, knock, knock*
She quietly puts down the newspaper, goes to the door, opens it and–before they can say a word–with a resigned groan (think Indiana Jones when he hauls out the gun to shoot the big guy with the huge sword) she slams the door and returns, wordlessly, to reading the paper.

*sniff* I miss her.

¹Please note that I am not condemning all Jehovah’s Witnesses or Mormons, either. Just the ones that profane Christ by hurting other people.

²This is, of course, subject to being overruled by her equally sweet, yet deadly, daughters. Sorry, I have no power over those three (no human does).

Posted in Carnival of the Vanities, Rants 'n' Whines | 4 Comments

Happy Minioning!

Posted on November 6, 2002 by Solonor

There’s been some confusion on just who’s whose minion. So, in an effort to clear things up, I am posting this handy, dandy Minion Calendar,™ so you’ll know which dark master you are to serve. m’kay?

Monday
Solonor – Best. Blogger. Ever. (’cause I said so!)

Tuesday
Bill – Best. Pouter. Ever.

Wednesday
Michele (with one ‘L’) – Best. Demon Wench. Ever.

Thursday
Kat – Best. Antichrist. Ever.

Friday
F*cko (sorry, it’s a PG blog) – Best. Do-crap-for-free-for-the-entire-frickin’-blog-world-guy. Ever.

Saturday
wKen – Best. Generous Sex Fiend. Ever.

Sunday
Robyn and/or Dick – Best. Blogging Tag Team. Ever.

Please, be aware of the schedule, and NEVER forget:

1. You may be called to duty as minion to various other lords and ladies of evil on an as-needed basis: wSpaceBran, Scott, Muse, Christine, Christine, Statia, Hoopty, Lisa, Les, Theresa, Promo, Cranky, Annessa, Mordant, Whiny, Pepperkat, or any number of other deities and demi-demons for which I (to my ~~soon to be~~ realized) pain have forgotten.

2. A summoning from Sekimori (mistress of the entire frickin’ world) trumps all scheduled minioning.

Thank you. Happy servitude.

Posted in Carnival of the Vanities, Yo! Listen Up! | 44 Comments

Solonor’s Career Tip #372

Posted on November 6, 2002 by Solonor

When the vice president of your company asks you to read a book on leadership in order to discuss same at an executive power luncheon, it is best to set a reminder in your electronic day planner. Otherwise, you might accidentally continue in your daily lunch routine of eating a turkey sandwich at Sgt. Grump’s house, reading the daily fishwrap and catching the first half hour of the prior evening’s Screen Savers re-run.

This would not be considered a “career-advancing move.”

Solonor. Always looking out for ya.

Posted in Life, the Universe and Everything | 3 Comments

Just Nosey or What?

Posted on November 6, 2002 by Solonor

I thought I was alone in seeing an entry for the iaea.org show up in my referral list every day. Then, today, Scott asked the same question. Who are you? Why are you visiting me from the International Atomic Energy Agency? Are you a fan or what?

Then, I checked my Last 50 Referrers page and noticed that today they sucked down just about every blog page in the span of a minute! Yipes!

Dark conspiracy or rabid fan? Straaaangge…

Posted in Strangeness | 12 Comments

And So It Begins…

Posted on November 6, 2002 by Solonor

I thought of a ton of cute catch phrases this post-Election Day morning, as I stared with bloodshot eyes at the news of a completely Republican government:

“Teach a man to vote . . . and you’re obviously not in Florida.”
“It’s not a recession, it’s a chance to say ‘I told you so’.”
“People aren’t stupid. They’re suicidal.”
“When I said, ‘Vote Dumbass’ I didn’t mean you.”
“If you let morons vote, they will.”
And my personal favorite: “Crap.”

Welcome to the 50’s. That’s the last time a Republican president had a Republican House and Senate. Wither goest thou, Joe McCarthy?

Which segues right into this lovely little story from the files of Ashcroft and Co. Enjoy. And be a little more careful when you take out that Bradbury book next time.

The FBI Has Bugged Our Public Libraries

Posted in Rants 'n' Whines | 5 Comments