Fairies' big arm casts a giant shadow!

Bree - The Bucklebury Fairies' ace pitcher is not what he seems: An anonymous source has informed this reporter that Fabur Beardcutter is not a dwarf as we have been led to believe, but is actually a giant!

This shocking revelation explains several of the oddities that have previously been observed about this strange player from the deep vales of the White Mountains near Dunharrow...

... why this "dwarf" is 24 feet tall. This is somewhat taller than the typical dwarf and is definitely higher than the obviously bogus 5' 11" listed in the official records.

... why the league has to special order size 48 shoes for him. This is much larger than typically sized dwarf shoes. Indeed, when Beardcutter played in Dunharrow, his teammates would often have river races using his shoes as boats.

... why he lives in a huge tent instead of underground as any self-respecting dwarf would do. In fact, he has never been seen underground!

... why he explains away his mysterious absences as being with "the little woman", when everyone knows that there are no dwarf females!

This is a scandal of Silmarillion proportions! Ever since the infamous Black Stomping scandal, giants have been banned from the league. True fans demand that this travesty be ended and this imposter be ejected from baseball!

Posted at March 11, 2005 10:05 PM | more from Bree